


why we're (not) single

by orphan_account



Category: Smosh
Genre: Don't Read This, F/M, M/M, Written when I was like 13, also why did i refer to gay attraction as ''man crush''es, i was weirdly really rude to joven and i apologize, more love triangles than the goddamn pyramids of giza, pov switches like a goddamn vers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24552793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: a whole-ass fanfic i wrote (on paper no less) when i was 12 or 13. please don't flay me alive. this is taken word for word from the shit i wrotei am a better man now and love joven more than ever
Relationships: David Moss/Joshua Ovenshire, Ian Hecox/Anthony Padilla, Ian Hecox/David Moss, Joshua Ovenshire/Mari Takahashi, Matt Sohinki/Mari Takahashi
Comments: 25
Kudos: 16





	1. part one

**Sohinki's POV**

I know you've heard this all before, the same story. Boy meets girl, boy becomes girl's friend, boy falls for girl, girl friend-zones him, boy doesn't get over her. It's the same repeating thing every day.

Usually it results in heartbreak for the hero and a happy ending for everyone else. At least, that's the way I've always heard of it. I don't know about any of you guys, but that's the way I know it. So, I suppose I'll tell you my story.

Hi, how are you? The name's Matt. Matt Sohinki. Welcome to my life.

I suppose I might as well introduce you to all of my friends.

My best friend is Dave. Everyone calls him Lasercorn because of a tattoo he got with a unicorn shooting lasers. He's epic.

Another of my friends is Jovenshire. I call him J, simply because his first name is Joshua (last name Ovenshire, thus a nickname was born).

Our other friends are Ian Hecox (Mr. Bowl Haircut), Anthony Padilla (Mr. Emo Hair), and Mari Takahashi (Mata raishuu ne!) from Smosh. They're very funny and very cool. Which is where the whole ordeal comes in.

I like Mari. But I think Joven likes Mari too, and she likes him back. She's told me about it. Sometimes I wish I didn't know. Joven isn't even that great! What does she SEE in him? He's one of the worst people I know!

Sometimes I wonder why I like Mari. She's insane.

* * *

**Lasercorn's POV**

Okay, I know what you'll say once I tell you. You'll say, "WHAAA-!?" I know, it's shocking. But bear with me...

Okay, here. I'll tell you.

I am in love. In love with someone OTHER than my fiancee. And I HATE it.

I hate HIM! And why of all people was it HIM? Why couldn't it have been a GIRL, or at least a decent guy? Why, of ALL people, do I love HIM? He's the doucheiest of the douches. The most annoying person alive. Just a mere mention of his name makes me cringe in disgust.

I'm guessing you have a clear depiction of just who exactly I'm talking about. But I still won't tell you because he pisses me off.

Okay... fine. I might tell you, but you have to promise me that you won't tell a single soul. Not even to my best friend, Sohinki. You swear? You sure? Because if I tell you and someone magically finds out, I'm going to have to summon the lasercorn on my back to murder you. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU.

Okay... are you 100% sure you want to know? Jeez, don't get all pissy. I'm telling you.

Okay, so, I may or may not be in love with Jovenshire...

* * *

**Ian's POV**

Bromance is what you might call it. That unbreakable bond between two guys who are best friends up to the point where it's sort of creepy. There's so close that people wonder if maybe they're gay.

That's what lots of people say about me and my best friend, Anthony. I wouldn't necessarily agree. I don't feel that way toward Anthony.

To be truthful, I've always liked Lasercorn.

It's not really a secret to everyone but Lasercorn. Anthony knows, Mari knows, Joven knows, Sohinki knows -- just not Lasercorn. Preferably, I'd like to keep it that way. No one must EVER tell Lasercorn.

It scares me half to death to know that he could possibly find out about my liking him. Even worse -- his fiancee might find out and kick my ass. I'm a weak person. Anyone would be able to kick my ass. Even Mari could be able to if she wanted to. Funny how that's never bothered me until now.

It's all a crazy situation to deal with, but a few years from now, we'll all look back and laugh at ourselves, right? I could see future me laughing hysterically at his past man-crush on Lasercorn.

But right now, I'm not future me. Right now, I am present me, and the man-crush is still in full effect.

* * *

**Joven's POV**

I have the best job in the entirety of the world. I get to play video games with the funniest people I know. Who wouldn't love that job? Come on, be honest.

Another perk is that I get to be near Mari Takahashi. She's pretty, smart, nerdy, AND a gamer? Then that makes her the perfect girl. She's everything a guy could ever WANT. I admit, I have a slight schoolboy-ish crush on her. But then again, what guy WOULDN'T?

I know Sohinki likes her. I can tell when someone obviously likes someone, and that crush is evident.

But, here's the thing -- I don't really care.

I know he likes her, but so do I. I want Mari's awesomeness for my own. And I'm going to ensure that I will be hers.

Sohinki, I have a huge amount of respect for you, but... you're not going to get the girl.

We all know that I've got more charisma than you. I know how fans think you and Mari will one day become Marhinki, but let's face it. Marhinki -- it's just. Not. Real. Now, Marishire on the other hand...

Let's be honest here. Mari plus Joven equals the ultimate team.

Mari plus Sohinki equals a disaster in progress.

* * *

**Anthony's POV**

It's funny how opinions about people change. One minute, you can hate someone's guts, the next, you might be their best friend. That's what makes opinions great. They're always changing.

My first serious opinion change happened when Ian and I lost a Game Bang and had to do a romantic dance. Ian ran out of the room, horrified that the two of us almost kissed. I, on the other hand, was seriously contemplating leaning into the few inches that separated our faces.

My opinion on Ian changed from being my best friend to my man-crush.

I have never hated ANY opinion more than that of my own toward Ian Hecox.

I hadn't thought about him that way even for a second before then. Now, it seems like it's all I think about. Somedays, it makes me smile, other days, it pisses me off. I don't really know what to think.

Should I tell anyone about it? Should I keep it to myself? Should I hold onto it? Should I ignore everything? Whoa, whoa, hold on. Get a grip, Anthony. You need to stop overthinking this whole thing. Get it the hell together.

Why can't I just let it go and focus on our friendship? Am I doomed to chase wildly after something I can never have?

* * *

**Mari's POV**

Here's my to-do list:

Wake up. Breathe. Eat. Drive to the Smosh Games HQ. Hope I don't cause a wreck due to being an Asian woman driver (it's a joke). Get to the HQ. Edit shows. Stare longingly at Joven. Edit more. On occasion, film Super Mari Fun Time or Game Bang.

If not picked to edit overnight, go home, go to bed, and sleep. If picked, edit, then go home, then sleep. Repeat the whole process. Throw in filming Smosh Pit Weekly on Fridays.

Welcome to the insane life of Mari Takahashi, with your host, the one and only Mari herself!

So, I suppose you now know about my crush on Joven. Yeah. I didn't think I would EVER like Joven, but here I am, admiring his dorkiness.

How I HATE being so happy around someone so vile! Why can't I like someone else? Freaking Ovenshire!

Oh well, I can't go on and on about liking someone I can't stand. I have a life to get back to! Like video games and cats! And filming Super Mari Fun Time and Game Bang and Smosh Pit Weekly! YEAH!

As you can clearly see, my life is fabulous. Having friends like Ian, Anthony, Sohinki, Joven (gag), and Lasercorn will do that.


	2. part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the plot thiccens.
> 
> also shout the fuck out to fall out boy... was my fave band then and still my fave band now... sometimes war never changes :/

**Anthony's POV**

The first song I wrote about Ian was in sixth grade, when we were assigned our first project together. It was called "I Don't Wanna Work With Ian" and I only wrote one verse and the chorus.

Now when I remember the song, I laugh a little. I was really immature then. I even remember writing the song. It went along the lines of "Ian is new and he's weird and I don't like him!"

Yeah, I was a different kid.

I'd, all the time, write music. I love music still to this very day. Sometimes I wonder if I should do covers or something on my personal channel. I'd love to sing for everyone besides the songs we do for Smosh.

Ha, Smosh. Our YouTube channel, Ian's and mine. I've always liked making videos, especially with the added perk of doing so with my best friend.

But now that he's not just my best friend, and that he's my crush, I'm beginning to wonder if Ian and I will grow apart. I don't want to lose Ian to some stupid crush I formed a few weeks ago.

I know what I have to do.

I have to get over him.

I'll forget all about my feelings for him if it's the last thing I do.

* * *

**Sohinki's POV**

"So, who's editing tonight?" Mari asks. Ian and Anthony have gone home and to bed, so it's just Joven, Lasercorn, Mari, and me.

Lasercorn says, "We'll rock paper scissors for it?"

We all nod and begin the tournament.

Eventually, Mari and I lose the whole thing.

"HA!" exclaims Lasercorn. "IN YO' FACE!" He and Joven high-five and then leave the building.

"Y'know, I have a feeling that they were mind-reading us," Mari says.

I smirk and say, "That, or we're just boring, predictable people."

"We should start editing so we can leave early."

"Sounds like a plan."

We begin editing Backseat Gaming and Dope! or Nope, and by 1:00 am, we're finished.

"Yeah!" Mari yells with a smile.

We high-five and then a few seconds later, I notice my hand still lingering on Mari's. I go into panic mode for a second, and then I think, "Yes! This is my CHANCE!"

Mari looks at me and asks, "Sohinki, what are you...?"

I stop for a moment and realize... Shit, I'm leaning toward Mari!

And she isn't backing away!

I smile as I lock lips with her.

* * *

**Joven's POV**

One of the first worries I have is that Matt will make a move on Mari. One of the reliefs I have is that Mari isn't interested in him.

"Can I hitch a ride with you?" Lasercorn asks me.

I'm slightly surprised by the sudden break of silence, but I keep my composure and say, "Yeah, sure, Dave."

He gets into my car and I turn on the stereo. It's on "My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light 'Em Up)" by Fall Out Boy. Lasercorn hears the opening and I think he doesn't like it, so I begin to change it, even though it's one of my favorite songs.

"NO!" he yells. "I like this song!"

Wait, so he knows AND likes this song? My respect for Lasercorn nearly doubles.

We begin to drive and sing the lyrics. We sound horrible, but Dave sounds a little better than I do. I remember how to get to his house because he used to bum rides off me all the time

"D-Don't go back to my house," he says. "My fiancee and I got into a fight."

I look over to him and say, "I'm sorry, man..."

He sighs and says, "Don't be."

An awkward silence passes.

"Can I crash with you?"

* * *

**Lasercorn's POV**

So, I may or may not have lied to Joven.

My fiancee and I DID get into a fight, but she hasn't evicted me or anything. I'll tell her that I had to edit and that I fell asleep at work. It's happened before, so she'll buy it.

For now, though, I'll just forget about her and focus on getting some sleep.

When we reach Joven's place, I'm nearly asleep already.

"Welcome to my humble abode. You'll be sleeping on my couch, if that's okay with you."

"Oh yeah. It's fine. Hey, uh, thanks for letting me stay here man."

"No problem," Joven says, with his signature smirk. Some days, I want to slap it off of his face, others, I want to kiss it. It's not easy living like this.

"Good night, Lasercorn," he says.

I smile back at Joven and say, "Good night."

I watch him begin to walk away. I have a sudden impulse to grab his wrist and hug him. I don't think too much before I do it.

"What the--?!" he yells, as I grab his left wrist.

But instead of hugging him, I do nothing but hold his wrist.

"Dude, what the hell?"

"Better question -- why not?"

"What do you mean, 'why not?'"

"Why not..."

I get sleepy before I can finish.

* * *

**Mari's POV**

The next morning, when I wake up, I can still remember Sohinki kissing me. I remember our conversation, how I felt, how long it lasted... I remember everything.

I can even remember the taste of the chapstick I wore -- strawberry. I lick my lips and taste the artificial strawberry from last night.

I even hear the things that we both said after he kissed me.

The weird thing about this is that I didn't push Sohinki away when he was doing it. Hell, I probably looked like I was welcoming it!

The bad news is that if Joven finds out about it, I won't have a chance with him.

But, in a sense, that might be the good news as well.

I can hear Sohinki's voice in my ears.

"What the hell?!" I'd asked him.

"I'm... I'm not sorry," he'd replied back.

"You KNOW I like Joven!"

"HE ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, MARI!"

He grabbed my shoulders and forcefully kissed me again, and after a few seconds, he pulled away.

"W-What is it, Sohinki?" I'd asked, a mixture of worry and anger in my voice.

"I'm not good enough either."

* * *

**Ian's POV**

I should have volunteered to stay behind and edit. If I had, maybe Lasercorn and I could have become something more. He may have broken up with his fiancee for me. He might have kissed me.

Or maybe Lasercorn could have gotten creeped out and filed a restraining order against me. Maybe I could've gotten my heart broken. Or maybe I could have chickened out.

I guess I should stop chasing after Lasercorn and face reality. I know that I'll never be with him.

Why do I still chase after him, though?

When I get to the building, Lasercorn is already there, and no one else is.

"Hey, Ian," he says, waving. I smile and wave back.

His facial expression is solemn. I look at him for a few seconds. "What's wrong, Lasercorn?"

He stares down at his feet and mumbles, "I guess there's no harm in telling you..."

"Telling me wha--"

"You have to PROMISE you won't tell ANYONE else, okay?"

"Okay, okay! Now what is it?"

Lasercorn lowers his voice to a whisper. "I'm in love with someone other than my fiancee..."

"Whoa! Who?"

The name shocks me --

"Joven."


	3. part three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the DRAMA... the sheer AUDACITY i had when i was 13...
> 
> also anthony i am so sorry that i made ian so averse to the idea of being in a relationship with you i have become a better man and you are so good and hot and nice
> 
> also also brina i was rly mean to you in this and i didn't mean it... ily
> 
> also also also... to my smoshblr friends... i am so sorry that an ugly ass bitch like me would even say that about y'all
> 
> also x4. joven i must reiterate how sorry i am. i was a stupid bastard that didn't know the real you. now that i'm smarter and sexier, i understand that you're the best

**Sohinki's POV**

I can't believe I actually did it. I can't believe that I kissed Mari. I'm still in shock, about 9 hours after the kiss.

I had told her that Joven wasn't good enough for her... and that I wasn't good enough either. And it's true. I never have been nor will be. Mari Takahashi is too good for any of us. She deserves more.

I just wish that I was that guy.

Even before Smosh Games, I'd liked her. I'd watch Smosh Pit Weekly and laugh at her jokes and dorkiness. And now... I kissed her. And she didn't pull away from me.

Score: Sohinki -- 1. Joven -- 0.

Now, to finally change Mari's opinion on Joven... or at least try. No harm in trying, right? It's not like I'm trying to make Mari fall madly in love with me. I just have to show her that Joven is terrible and recommend searching elsewhere for romance.

But that kiss... damn.

If that hasn't affected her in any way, I don't know what WILL.

I hope and pray that Mari's opinion will somewhat change. If it doesn't, then I guess Mari has no emotions.

I just hope that Mari has any emotions toward me. Something. ANYTHING...

Please.

* * *

**Anthony's POV**

The second song I ever wrote about Ian was after we'd had an argument back in high school.

I had written the title, "Jerk" right after, and had one full verse written before he called and apologized for acting like a douchebag. He had just broken up with his girlfriend, Anna, so I changed the title from "Jerk" to "Anna" and replaced any mentions of Ian with characteristics of her.

I finished it within an hour thanks to Ian's descriptions. I even learned to play the background instrumentals on piano. I think I still remember the notes.

The following Monday, I recorded the song and secretly put it into Anna's MP3 player.

The next day, Anna confronted Ian. She looked like a total idiot in front of everyone.

I never did tell her that I was the one behind that.

I told Ian, and he hugged me. His smile was all I needed as a thank you.

That was when our friendship truly began. It may have also been the beginning of my crush.

You never know these things. That's what makes being in... like... with some other person so damn confusing!

I'm not ready for the other word...

Yet...

* * *

**Joven's POV**

What had Lasercorn meant? Why had he done that?

I think it may have just been the sleep deprivation talking, but then why did it seem so... real?

I abandon my questions for a moment.

"Why not?"

Ha, it all sounds really cliche when I play it over in my head. I smirk a little at how weird it all was.

Then I remember that we're shooting Smosh Acting Games News Update Today and I get out of my head.

When we're done, I hear Lasercorn on the phone with his fiancee.

"N-No, listen! I'm sorry! ...What? Why? NO! DON'T HANG--"

Then I hear the other line go silent.

"...up."

I can see the hurt in Lasercorn's expression. I almost shed a tear myself. I decide to go over and talk to him.

"What happened?"

"My fiancee accused me of cheating on her before I could explain, and then she broke up with me..."

I've never seen Lasercorn cry before, but I don't like it.

I put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. I then notice that my hand is travelling to grab his.

When I grab it, he asks, "Why?"

I smirk and grab his other hand in mine.

"Better question -- why not?"

* * *

**Ian's POV**

I feel sick at my stomach.

Lasercorn was really in love with JOVEN? The whole "Iancorn" riot was for NOTHING? And Lasercorn didn't at least TELL me?

Stupid, STUPID! I am such an IDIOT! I should have seen the heartbreak coming! Why did I have to fall in love? Joven, you son of a BITCH!

So, now people are going to riot over... Jovencorn? Or Lasershire? Whatever the hell it's called! God, the idea STILL confuses me.

And when I came into the building to tape Gametime with Smosh, I saw Joven and Lasercorn holding hands...

Oh my God, couples are forming here!

First there was Marishire. Now it's Jovencorn and Marhinki! I mean, come on. It's evident that Sohinki likes Mari.

But.. since everyone else is taken, that leaves... no.

Ian and Anthony. NO.

Ianthony.

NO!

The only Smosh pairing that anyone actually wants to happen.

NO!!!

I don't want those Tumblr shippers to be proven correct! I want a decision in who I want to be with, not limited to Ianthony!

I... I want to be with Lasercorn! I won't rest until I defeat my stereotypical pair assignment! I don't want to be controlled!

I must win him over. I have to.

* * *

**Mari's POV**

I'm not in any of the shows today, so I get to kick it at home. I want to play some video games, but I don't know what the frick to play!

I'm still thinking about Sohinki kissing, of all people, ME!

Why does Sohinki like me? Why can't I stop overthinking everything? How has Joven not found out yet?

I decide to go to Smosh Games HQ to tell Sohinki that I don't like him that way.

When I get there, I notice Ian looking grimly over at... Lasercorn? Huh?

Ian points to Lasercorn and someone else, holding hands.

I follow the hands until I notice a tattoo I recognize all too well.

"JOVEN?"

I feel like I'm going to hurl.

Joven and Lasercorn look up. Joven's expression goes sour.

"Mari! Uhm... Lasercorn and I were... It was his idea! He started this!"

Lasercorn gasps and turns to look at Joven. "WHAT?!"

I sigh. "Sure. Sure it was. Sure. You expect me to believe that LASERCORN started this? You're obviously lying. It's not rocket science."

I know when I'm being lied to.

* * *

**Lasercorn's POV**

Joven and I just held hands, and then he threw ME under the bus to Mari.

Wait... he was a dick to me just so he could impress Mari. He never cared! He just did this to shut me up!

God, I HATE myself for EVER falling in l... love!

Yes, okay, I admit it. I was in love with Joven.

I STILL HATE HIM! He's a douchebag! I'll NEVER forgive him!

I see Ian'sexpression and I half frown before he yells, "You are such a JERK, Joven! Lasercorn really liked you! He really genuinely liked you, and you played it as if you just wanted to break his heart. For Mari! I know Mari likes you too, but do you really have to be such a douche? You just wanted Mari to forgive you, but instead, no one likes you now! Not Mari, not me, and CERTAINLY not LASERCORN!"

Mari looks at Ian, smiles, and then turns to Joven, her arms crossed.

Joven looks at all of us, then keeps his eyes on me. "I... I'm sorry." he says.

He lets go of my hands and walks out of the building.

I half want to grab Ian and hug him. I give him a smile and say, "Thanks, man."

He nods, then turns to Mari and comforts her. Ian's a good person.


	4. part four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fucking finally, it's over. (well there's a small epilogue but the majority of this shitfest is over)
> 
> thank u all for validating 13 y/o me even though he was an asshole
> 
> especially to joven. for no reason. i will yet again reiterate that i love u joven and i have since become a better, more cultured man
> 
> (also please ignore the "nice guy" logic i accidentally shat out in this. i'm... ashamed of who i was to put it mildly)

**Anthony's POV**

The fifth song I wrote about Ian was when we had become best friends.

It was the night that Ian had told me that he didn't have many friends. We were at my house, playing Mario Kart 64, eating pizza, when I had asked him, "Why don't you bum rides off of your other friends?"

"Oh, uh, I don't have many friends. I guess no one really likes hanging out with me."

I had waited a few seconds before saying, "I do. You're a cool person, Ian."

"Ha, yeah right. You know, you're a bad liar."

"I'm not telling a lie. It's true."

After I had whooped his ass at our first round of Mario Kart, I had asked him, "Do you want to be friends with me?"

Ian had said, "I thought we already were friends. Unless you mean you want to be my BEST friend. In that case, HELL YEAH!"

After he had left, I wrote an actual, full-length song called "Hell Yeah" about our friendship. It wasn't good, and I scrapped it a week later after finding it in a discarded notebook. But it was my first ever full song, and I'm glad that he was there to help inspire me.

Now that I love him though...

Oh my God.

I said LOVE.

* * *

**Joven's POV**

I should have kept my mouth shut. I should have taken full responsibility for my actions.

I don't even really KNOW why I held hands with Dave. I shouldn't have done anything. I should have stayed back.

And now... I've lost everything... and everyONE.

I shouldn't feel so good about losing Mari. Maybe I never DID like her.

Right now, I'm sitting at my house, with my head in my hands, thinking about how stupid I am. I'm not worried about Ian, or Mari, or even myself.

I'm worried about Lasercorn.

He didn't deserve any of this. He didn't deserve being accused. He doesn't deserve my excuses, or my apologies. He doesn't deserve my feeling so guilty for what I've done, all for a girl that I don't even love.

He deserves better than that. Better than ME.

I walk to the hallway where he first grabbed my wrist. I should have noticed what he was hinting at earlier! And I hadn't pushed him away or shrugged him off!

Wait... have I... No. That's impossible! I couldn't have been... I...

Could I have been?

Why am I overthinking this whole situation? I... no.

I couldn't have been in love with Lasercorn this whole time...?

* * *

**Sohinki's POV**

I admit it -- I'm in love. I'm in love with a beautiful girl. I'm in love with Mari. Yes, I admit it.

But, she loves Joven. I might as well call it quits. Mari's in love with a douchebag. Women don't just get over their feelings for jackasses.

But if he hurts her, I'm going to fucking kill him.

If he rejects those beautiful brown eyes, or if he says no to her gorgeous smile, or if he makes her cry... When I find out, I will seriously kill him. No questions. Just full-frontal murder.

Mari rushes by me with tears in her eyes.

"Hey, Mari, what's going on--"

"Not now, Sohinki!" she yells. I can hear the emotion in her voice, and I'm pissed off.

"Mari!" I grab her wrist.

She turns to me and I see tears on her cheeks. "What the fuck do you want, Matt?!"

"What. Happened? I want to know!"

"FINE! You want to know?! You were right. YOU WERE RIGHT! Joven is just an ass who never cared about me."

She begins to cry and I hold her head to my chest.

"He didn't care at all," she repeats over and over.

I'm content to be her friend right now. She needs it after all.

* * *

**Lasercorn's POV**

Why can't I let go of how I feel toward Joven?

He... he said he was sorry. It's so weird. Why do I believe him when he says that he's sorry? He's just a douche!

So then why did he sound so sincere?

I decide to stay behind to edit. After I do, Joven volunteers too. We stay quiet as we edit S.A.G.N.U.T. and Gametime with Smosh together.

After we finish, Joven asks, "Do you need a ride or a place to stay?"

I sigh and look up at him... I can't stand to do it for more than a few seconds. Joshua Ovenshire is the last person I want to see right now...

But he's also the first.

I don't want to say yes, but I have to -- my fiancee kicked me out after all. I really don't want to stay with him, but I have no other choice.

I can feel my airways constricting as I say, "Y-Yes."

Joven smiles and I want to throw up. "Good."

When we get into the car, he says, "Look, Lasercorn. I never meant for any of this to happen. I'm so sorry and I'm being 100% honest. I-I shouldn't have done that to you. You don't deserve tha--"

Without thinking, I grab him and give him a peck on the lips.

"Shut up."

* * *

**Ian's POV**

I think I can finally win Lasercorn over. It's quite simple really. I just have to become his best friend by comforting him, then sneak the first move and BOOM! He's all mine.

He already hates Joven, so that makes things infinitely easier for me. So, I'll just write out the plan--

"What'cha doin'?"

Shit, Anthony!

"Uh, thanks for not scaring me, JERK!"

Anthony sits in the chair facing me and says, "Sorry man. But really, what are you doing?"

"Um, nothing. Just writing a skit for Smosh."

"Oh. Then why does Lasercorn show up in it?"

"Um... he's a special guest?"

Anthony can tell when I'm lying. He looks at me, his eyebrows raised.

I sigh and say, "Ugh, fiiiine." I tell Anthony all about my plan and how I'm in love with Lasercorn.

He stays silent for a while, an unidentifiable look on his face.

"So...? Are you gonna help me or not?" I ask him.

Anthony sighs and says, "No. I'm not gonna help you."

"Why not?"

"Because... I don't want you to be with Lasercorn, Ian."

"Then who do you think is worthy, oh wise Anthony Padilla?!"

"Me," he answers, standing up.

* * *

**Mari's POV**

I don't like admitting much to anyone, but I'm grateful for Matt Sohinki. I'm glad that he's my friend.

I'm also kinda thankful that he's in love with me. Had he not been, I would have been chasing after Joven my whole life.

Thank gosh for Sohinki, the best friend I might have ever had. He's loyal, kind, sweet, friendly... and he's funny, cool, smart, and insane in a mild, Sohinki kind of way. I mean, who he ends up with will be a lucky person.

I wish all guys could be like Matt. I wish JOVEN was like Matt. I mean, their personalities are like polar opposites. Joven is dorky and can be kind of a jerk sometimes, and Sohinki's cool but smart, and usually pretty considerate.

Why did I EVER like Joven? Females are so weird. We always go for assholes and when our hearts get broken, we say, "Why can't I find a guy who's nice?" when the nice ones are usually our friends.

Sohinki's a great guy, and he's smart, and funny, and he isn't bad looking... and he's a good dancer... and he's sweet and...

Oh my God.

I have a crush on Sohinki!


	5. part five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the finale. there was an epilogue i wrote but it's stupid and i hate it so i'm going to leave it off of this fic. so uh. this one is shorter bc it only has two POVs. i thought there were 24 "chapters" (read: POV switches) but as it turns out, there are 26. s/o to me, the himbo that can't do math
> 
> anyway thank you guys for being supportive despite my clearly horrible writing and choices from this era. i love you <3

**Sohinki's POV**

I wonder what Mari's thinking about. I know what I'M thinking about.

It's been the same thing. I'm thinking about kissing Mari. I'm thinking about the taste of strawberry and how much I love it. I'm thinking about my lips on hers, and how much I want it. I'm thinking about how much I love her.

God, I can't take it anymore! I have to say something to her!

I decide to call her number and say something.

A few rings pass before Mari picks up the phone.

"Sohinki, thank God you called! I was just about to call you!"

"Mari, I wanted to say something to you."

"Okay, we both say it on 3?

"1... 2... 3... I LIKE YOU!" I hear her yell.

I want to explode with happiness. Those were the exact words that I was going to yell.

Mari giggles on the other end of the line. "You didn't say anything."

I chuckle back. "Um, yeah, I assumed that you know. You basically took the words out of my mouth.

"Mari, I... really really like you. You're the most amazing girl I've ever known."

She scoffs and mumbles, "Ha, I'm not THAT great..."

"So... does this mean I'm kicked off of 'Why We're Single?'"

* * *

**Anthony's POV**

The tenth song I wrote about Ian was tonight.

It's called "This is It", and it's about our new found relationship.

Yes. Ianthony lives.

So, I accidentally leaked my man-crush to Ian.

"What the... YOU?! Are you shitting me?" he had asked me.

"No... no, I'm not. I mean it."

"You... you..."

I grabbed Ian and kissed him, and all I could think about was... this is it.

That one kiss either brought us closer together or tore us apart.

It lasted for a few seconds, and afterward, he took a long pause before saying, "Fuck Lasercorn, that was awesome!"

We wrote "This is It" together. We even decided to sing it on video, to maybe post on Smosh. Me on vocals, Ian rapping (he insisted on rapping).

So far, we haven't posted it.

At least, not until Friday...

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr @sunflowershayne, @damimem, or @smoshfromlastnight for better quality shit than this
> 
> follow me on twitter @shaynesdegree for less quality shit than this


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